BBQ 101

RECIPE: Carne Asada on the Grill

I don’t know if this is how it works in your marriage, but in mine we have Jason Things and we have Elizabeth Things. Some examples of Elizabeth Things are: laundry, kid doctor appointments, grocery shopping, paying bills, yelling at Jason, stuff like that. Examples of Jason Things are: dishes, changing the cat litter, feeding the cats, killing insects, taking out splinters/dressing wounds, anything to do with the cars, yard work, etc.

Sometimes I worry because there are several things I do I think Jason would have no idea how to attempt if I die a fiery death when the mountain next to our house that looks like a volcano but isn’t, turns out to really be a volcano and explodes when I’m home alone during the day. And there are things he does that I’m going to be totally screwed on when he decides to leave me to pursue a career in Hollywood as a stunt double for the love child of Seth Rogan and Paul Rudd (those two are super popular right now, it could happen soon).

+

=

Right?

Anyway, one of the Jason Things I’ve always meant to learn (as opposed to changing the kitty litter, which I’ve never meant to learn) is operating the barbeque. I literally did not know how to turn it on before yesterday. So if he leaves us and one of my children ends up having a serious illness that can only be treated with meat charred in the outdoors, that son would probably waste away and perish fairly quickly.

Thus, yesterday, for the health and safety of our children, I had Jason teach me how to operate the barbeque. I thought, today, for the health and safety of your children, I would pass that knowledge along, in photo form.

Step 1:

Hit up Safeway this week for all the rad vacuum-packed meat they have on special. We went with the carne asada last night, but I bought one of each because they were a good deal.

Step 2:

Take meat out of package and let it rest out of the fridge until it reaches approximately room temperature so as not to shock the meat when you cook it. I'm going to refrain from taking off my top in front of the meat either, just in case he's kind of a prude.

Step 3:

Scrape the reminants of the previous grillage from the grill. Don't ask Jason why this wasn't done directly after the last time it was used because he will get snippy and ask you why he doesn't have any clean underwear.

Step 4:

Turn the first gas knob to high (it doesn't say the word 'high', you just have to know it's high). This does not cause the grill to light. Jason is unsure if that's because it's broken or just because it sucks.

Step 5:

Put the little gas lightery thing in the BBQ and light the flames. If you have long hair, don't lean over while doing this.

Step 6:

Then turn the other two knobs on the grill to high. The other gas flame ejectors (yeah, I don't know what they're called) will light off of the first one. You can see the grill is not hot yet from the temperature gauge on the front.

Step 7:

Spray the grill grate thingy down with peanut oil (you can use other oils, but peanut oil has a high smoking point, so it's good for high heat).

Step 8:

Close the grill and let it heat up to 400+ degrees. Jason said this was an arbitrary number and I'm not pleased with that as an answer. But I don't have anything better for you.

Step 9:

Lay the meat on the grill. (I don't know about you, but that part I could have figured out for myself.)

Step 10:

Go inside and let it cook for a few minutes. While it's doing that boil some potatoes.

Step 11:

Check the meat to make sure there are grill marks on it. If there are, flip to the other side.

Step 12:

Close the grill and give it a couple more minutes. Go inside and boil corn on the cob.

Step 13:

When the other side has grill marks pull it off the grill and put it on a plate. This particular 'doneness' test only works with thinly sliced meat. Anything else you have to get into meat thermometers and whatnot.

Step 14:

Cover plate with tinfoil and let the meat rest.

Step 15:

While meat is resting, add salt and dairy-type products to the potatoes, to taste. Mash those suckers up.

Step 16:

Plate that stuff up all pretty. Pig shaped corn holders are optional.

Basically, I learned that the whole grill thing isn’t that tough after all. I also killed this spider all by myself this week:

Jason was not amused when I told him I guess I don’t really need him for anything after all. I was kidding, obviously. There is still the kitty litter and yard work.

*No recipe this week because I did a tutorial instead. That counts. Yes it does.

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